anGelTears Heaven

Cold Hands, Warm Heat (Brendan Benson)

Cold hands, warm heart

We just need some time apart

And everything will be okay

Oh no, not again

Why does it always happen?

It seems like every other day

You're too quiet, I'm too loud

Now we've rid a storm cloud

I'll see you on the other side

Old habits, young ways

Maybe we're just a phase

But we can say we really try

And it really shouldn't be this hard

You know it really shouldn't be

And if we can only see it this far

Well then I hate to say it, but it's obvious

I'm telling you, girl, there's no future for us

All talk, no action

So what's the big attraction?

And don't tell me it's "just because"

All work, no play

Don't wanna go on this way

I wanna go back to the way it was

And it really shouldn't be this hard

You know it really shouldn't be

And if we can only take it this far

Well then we've got to end it before it's too late

The love that is left turns quickly to hate

Cold hands, warm heart

We just need some time apart

And everything will be okay

This was what shocked me into wakefulness as I was drifting in and out of a restless (and untimely) sleep.  This isn’t the first time I’ve heard it, and neither is  it the first time it hit that hard  - to the point of being nauseated.   But this time around, I really don’t want this to be the case.  The end of September ushered in the advent of cold hands for me.  I don’t want anther rainy day regret. . .

10 F A V O R I T E S

TV show: Don’t really watch the telly.  Now, a TV on the other hand *snicker*

Flower: Pink stargazers.  And yes, roses.  Ack.

Alcohol: Hmm, been a while - can’t remember.

Color: Pink.  Black at times.

Sport: Eating.

Mall: Sawa na ko sa mall

Music: Mixed group

Food: Seafood, pasta

Season. Summer.  Summer lovin!

1 0 F A C T S

Hometown: Kamias

Height: 5′ 1.5"

Hair color: Black with brown highlights

Hair length: Shoulder-blade length

Hair style: One length after having it layered for the longest time

Eye color: Chocolate brown

Shoe size: 5 - 5 1/2

Mood: Contemplative

Sexuality: Somewhere here and there

1 0 L O V E L I F E

Have you ever been in love: I think so

Do you believe in love?: I try to

Why did your last relationship fail?: Communication breakdown, mismatched values

Have you ever been heartbroken?: Oh yeah

Have you ever broken someones heart?: Sorry =(

Have you ever fallen for your bestfriend?
Nawp.  They’d kill me if I let that happen.  Hehe.

Are you planning on getting married?:
Only to the right person.  But no definite plans right now.  Wah.

Are you afraid of commitment?: Not anymore.

1 0 T H I S O R T H A T S

Love or lust?: What if I choose lust for a change?  Hehe.  Love.  Actually.

Hard liquor or beer?: Hard drinks

Night or day?: Night. 

Hook-ups or relationship?: Whereever the spice is.  Hah.  Someone please tell me a relationship can have spice too.  Please.

T.V. or internet?: Internet.  But if the TV in question is. . . *slaps self back to coherence*

Pepsi or coke?: Bleacgh.  Neither.

Wild night out or romantic night in?: How about a wild night in after a romantic night out? 

Saturday or Sunday?: Saturday

Colored or black and white picture? Colored

Phone or in person?: In person

1 0 H A V E Y O U E V E R S

Have you ever been caught sneaking out?: Nawp.  I’m good.  Hehehe.

Have you ever skinny dipped?: Hmm, not yet *runs off in search of the nearest pool*

Have you ever done something you regret?:
I try not to have regrets. . . but yes, I think I have.

Have you ever bungee jumped?: Nawp.

Have you ever been on a house boat?: If that’s a boat house you’re asking. . . I can’t quite remember.

Have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker?:
Probably.  Sweet tooth on a rampage

Have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt?:
Yeah.  Much as I don’t want to. . .

Have you ever stayed up all night til the sun came
up?: Most of the time.  Hehe.

Have you ever been caught by your parents with a hickey?: Yeah - and I was the one who made it hehe.

Have you ever been caught by your parents doing anything more than making out?: No - much to our (mom and mine) dismay.  Gee, the  make-out part would already be a big step *rofl*  Yeah, this is one of those restless-need-to-unload surveys.  And now this question had to turn  up.  Hah.

10 A R E Y O U S

Are you missing someone right now?: Trying not to.

Are you in love with anyone?: *dejected sigh*

Are you happy?: Trying to be

Are you talking to anyone right now?: Online

Are you bored?: Nawp.  Just restless, hence the string of surveys.

Are you German? Nawp

Are you Irish?: Nawp

Are you Italian?: Somewhere down the line.

Are your parents still married?: But why????

Are you done? I doubt.

Follow Through
(G. DeGraw)

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don’t you agree?
I,haven’t felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet

So,since you want to be with me
You’ll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I’ll see you everyday
But you’ll have to follow through
You have to follow through

These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune
Oh, look what I‘m holding here in my fire
This is for you
Am I too obvious to preach it
You’re so hypnotic on my heart
So,since you want to be with me
You’ll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I’ll see you everyday
But you’ll have to follow through
You have to follow through

The words you say to me are unlike anything
That’s ever been said
And what you do to me is unlike anything
That’s ever been
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You’re so hypnotic on my heart

So since you want to be with me
You’ll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I’ll see you everyday

So since you want to be with me
You’ll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I’ll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
You’re gonna have to follow

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don’t you agree?

Q. First thing you did this morning?
A. Inhaled

Q. Last thing you ate?
A. Green Indian mango

Q. What’s something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks.
A. Hm.  Uh oh, I don’t have an immediate answer.

Q. What’s annoying you right now?
A. The kids and Mommy bickering.

Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?
A. Yes - but only for the right person.

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
A. A lot of them actually, but yes, one in particular stands out.

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: Grammatically incorrect Market Market (aka Metro Metro)

Q: Who is the last person you called?
A: I don’t really place calls.

Q: Been cheated on?
A: Yeah.  Hurts like hell.  I don’t want that again.

Q: Do you look like your mom or dad?
A: My mom =)

Q: Do you have any siblings?
A: Yeah - they get me insane and keep me sane all at the same time.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Not as much as I used to

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you
right now?
A: Hope so, even more so that it’s someone in particular.

Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity)
A: Chocolate.  Oops, not in the choices hehe.  Love.

Q: Do you wish on stars?
A: Once in a blue moon.

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A: Nawp.  Hehe, I need someone to tie them again afterwards.

Q: Would you kill someone?
A: In what way?

Q: When did you last cry?
A: Last night.  I’m human - after all.

Q: Do you like your handwriting?
A: I’m resigned to it.  People who have to read it, on the other hand. . .

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Depends. . .

Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?
A: Yes I am. . .

Q: Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
A: Mine. 

Q: What’s the color of your shirt?
A: Pink

Q: Do you have any pets?
A: Cyutot.

Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?
A: Pink.

Q: I can’t wait to..
A: learn to be patient.  Hehe.

Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?
A: Can’t recall - don’t want to, either.

Q: Look to your left. What’s there?
A: Manual.

Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?
A: To sleep, to wakefulness, and back again.

Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?
A: Yup *sigh*

Q: Song that makes you cry?
A: Bob Carlisle’s Butterfly Kisses, Gary V’s Sana Maulit Muli.

Q: Are you a normally happy person?
A: Normally. 

Q: Is your self-esteem extremely low?
A: Lately, sub-terranean.

Q: What color are your eyes?
A: Chocolate brown.

Q: What color is your hair?
A: Black with brown highlights - they’re natural, okie.

Q: Current Music?
A: Gavin de Graw’s Follow Through.

Sana’y maulit muli
Ang mga oras nating nakaraan
Bakit nagkaganito
Naglaho na ba ang pag-ibig mo
Sana maulit muli
Sana bigyan ng pansin ang himig ko
Kahapon, bukas, ngayon
Tanging wala nang ibang mahal

CHORUS:
Kung kaya kong iwanan ka
Di na sana aasa pa
Kung kaya kong umiwas na
Di na sana lalapit pa
Kung kaya ko sana

Ibalik ang kahapon
Sandaling di mapapantayan
Huwag sana nating itapon
Pagmamahal na tapat
Kung ako’y nagkamali minsan
Di na ba mapagbibigyan
O giliw, dinggin mo ang nais ko

(CHORUS)

Kung kaya ko sana
Ito ang tanging nais ko
Ang ating kahapon sana maulit muli
Kung ako’y nagkamali minsan
Di na ba mapagbibigyan
O giliw… Dinggin mo ang nais ko
Ang nais ko
(CHORUS 2x)
Mahal pa rin kita
O giliw… o giliw

To you Glenn, this was never really ours.  As for you, you with whom I’ve been with all these times - see me, hear me.

I’m Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again
I’m Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived
There’s a shade come over this heart that’s coping with laying down to rest
I’m Dying to live without you again

I’m Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me
I’m Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see
It’s the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent
I’m Dying to live without you again

The first time you left I said goodbye
Now there’s not a prayer that can survive

Dying, Dying to die just to come back so we can meet again
Dying, Dying to say what I always should have said
It’s a strange emotion this but there’s still hope in this
As long as there’s a breath…
I’m Dying and I can’t live without you again

It’s a strange emotion this but there’s still hope in this
As long as there’s a breath…

I’m Dying and I can’t live without you
I’m Dying and I can’t live without you again

- Five for Fighting, Dying

But realize, it’s time to live, and truly live life

1. are you inlove?
I differentiate between loving and being in love.
"I’m in love - always will be." - Dido, White Flag

2. are you happy?
Pretty much - I got chocolate right now!

3. are you single?
Are you serious?

4. are you 18?
I will be soon.  Hehe.

4. are you above 14?
Inches?  Of courses.

5. do you dance?
Love belly dancing!

6. do you sing?
Only under special circumstances

7. do you find mr. bean attractive?
Er, bumbling Brits are not really my type.

8. do you follow your parent’s orders?
I don’t like being ordered around. 

9. admit you’re good looking?
Not really.  But then, admitting’s different from believing.  Hehe.

10. are you looking for someone to have an affair with?
That’s not something I want to (have to) look for.   

11. do you pray to God all the time?
We talk.

12. do you believe in God and Jesus Christ?
Yep.

13. do you believe that Satan exists?
Thinking.  You know those people who just. . .

14. do you promise to do better in school?
I do, I do, I do!!!  No get me back there!

15. do you like cats?
The big ones, with stripes!  Oh wait, those are called tigers. 

16. how about dogs?
Can Cyutot read this?

17. how about monkeys?
Not really.

18. do you like books?
Yeah.  They taste good.

19. do you like novels??
Quite.

20. do you read the Bible?
Haven’t, in the longest time.

21. do you believe in it?
The parts I remember, yes.  The parts I don’t, Geof defiles, and makes me want to forget all over again.

22. would you kiss brad pitt in the lips if you had the chance?
Eww.  No way.

23. did you ever, in your whole life, find someone of the same gender attractive enough to make u ‘tibo’ or ‘gay’ for a minute?
A minute’s way too short.

24. have you ever been to a concert?
Yup.

25. have you ever been inside a bar/club?
Outgrown it.

26. have you ever been on stage, infront of many people?
Yup, no biggie.

27. have you ever thought of killing someone?
No.

28. have you ever hurt someone physically before?
Yup.  Most of the time, not purposely.  Most of the time.

29. how about emotionally?
Yes.  Most of the time, not. . . you know the drill. 

30. have you ever been into so much pain before that you almost gave up?
Yeah.

31. have you ever been in a dark room alone?
Huh?  ‘course.

32. have you ever been alone with someone inside a room?
Yup.  So what?

33. have you ever been attracted to a teacher before?
Hmm.  I think so.  Ehehe.

34. do you miss someone right now?
Yeah, unfortunately.

35. have you ever lost something/someone before that you want back now?
Unfortunately too. . .

I think I’ll make this my survey repository so I won’t be flooding bulletin boards anymore with signs of restlessness.  Besides, while going through old surveys (old habits die hard :p) I realized that they seem to be markers of growth/regression

I’ll use the other blog for more thoughts.