You no longer see
The twinkling of the stars
In the clear cold night
I walk you through
The gateway of my soulI took your hand
To lay my heart
Bared to your sight
Opened to your touch
Fettered to your smileSilence
A thank you
A hug
A smile
Then
a pat
On my foolish lil head
With only the dying starlight
Bathing my solitude
- to you who used to say I bring colors to your stars and wash away the loneliness with my tears
I’m really sorry if I’ve held my silence, if I’ve been difficult (I know I’ve been). Right now I just can’t seem to rise beyond the sadness. I’m really sorry. Please understand. Or at least give me a chance to make up for it once I’m back on my feet. I’m not taking you or our friendship for granted. I’m just keeping myself from causing further damage.
Tracing
- John Mayer
do you ever get the feelin
that we started in the middle?
or have you ever had the sense
that weve been lying just a little?
i mean come on
its not like weve known ourselves that long
and i cant say i really blame you for being bored with the
beginning
always staring at the score to figure out whos barely winning
but dont you know
there is a reason strong, move slow
and im okay
if youre okay with wasting time
but when you trace
you always see the bottom line
we are tracing
i hope you know
we are tracing
and if you want to know the moment
i knew that i was still alone
i found i never learned your number
i only stored it in my phone
youd think by now
id know the shape of calling home
and im okay
if youre okay with wasting time
but when you trace
you always see the bottom line
we are tracing
i hope you know
we are tracing
were both alone
we are tracing
we are tracing
did you ever get the feeling
that we started in the middle?
or have you ever had the sense
that weve been lying just a little?
i mean come on
its not like weve knew ourselves that long
Nearly perfect. I was just yanked back to reality when I realized that I wasn’t special enough to be asked, or asked for. . .
" I don’t know who of us has it worse - you with wanting to fly but still wanting her there, or me filled with frustration yet still empty. "
" Mine sounds like romantic tragedy, yours seems like starting depression. People go through my path relationship-wise. Yours is novel. . . "
" Maybe it’s not the best time fo a relationship for us both. You need to spread your wings and fly. I want delirious passion with the crazy times - beyond comfortable companionship and security. . ."
" Just what we’ve always wanted but failed to acquire. I agree. Now isn’t the time. . . "
" Where are we headed? Do we do our . . . selves justice? Is it wrong for us to want more? There’s nothing wrong, but there has to be something more. Am I finally waking up?"
" . . . I’m sorry it still hurts you. Guess you’re on a rougher ride. We should know this by heart - we can’t make someone love us, only let ourselves be loved. Luv u! 
"
- Wednesday. 10/05/2005 midnight txt exchange with Pol, who as usual, has never failed to save me from hopelessness, and ultimately, myself.
September has ended, and I’m awake. I open my eyes to the waking reality that I am no longer needed, and just as well not wanted.
