anGelTears Heaven

With the end of September comes the end of my stay in EverSun.  The end of memories?  No, just newer venues to create more beautiful ones.

Nobody will be left behind.  We walk side-by-side, hand-in-hand.

Starting an already-late last day right:

• Having your neighborhood barker come rushing to you with an umbrella to keep you from getting wet in the afternoon drizzle.

• Remembering meeting your good friend’s equally-frank boyfriend:

Val: Roger, si Giselle.  Nagkita na ata kayo dati.

Me:  Sa elevator ata, dati dati pa sa. . .

Roger:  Sa picture.  Ah dati nga.  Mapayat ka pa nun diba?

Val:  Mataba na ba siya ngayon?

Me: (to Val): I like him (to both): See, that’s why I like her too.

• Talking the night away on a staircase and checking if you and your mom got home safe

• Talking the morning away to remind you of how pathetic your lovelife is and then vehemently refusing to let any other guy near you again - fellow med students especially.

Yes Aliza and Pol, you two are the culprits

I’d add hand-gnawing and nose-nipping, but maybe I should limit it to the human species for the meantime.

September has ended.  I open my eyes and awaken. . .

Wake Me Up When September Ends
- Greenday

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father’s come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

And only then do the tears flow.

Dear Sweet Belle,

I doubt you or the real reason behind this post, would get to read this.  I guess I just want to get this out so I can finally lay the matter to rest.  Actually I thought I already did.  Your friend and I had that very belated talk-of-sorts months ago and I somewhat got my answer to the question he had left hanging - as he had done with me as well. 

I came across clues that someone with your friend’s name and basic information had checked up on me.  It could’ve been just anybody, but I immediately thought of him.  That started me thinking.   I actually hoped it was him.  But I should stop thinking - he’s always complained I think too much.  Oh well.  So much for living in the real world - we all end up dolls in this game of life. 

Good luck to you there on foreign shores.  I would like to thank you for that simple act of reaching out to me before.  I will never forget that.

We were going about our normal noonday routine, rushing to finish what we should’ve wrapped up hours ago: me fixing up for work, our mom hurriedly yet still ever-so-gracefully eating her way through brunch, my lil sister tapping away on the keyboard to finish her paper, and her puppy tail-wagging, hand-devouring, nose-nipping piglet baby getting entangled in our legs and asserting her reign of irresistible cuteness.

Then it plays: Bob Carlisle’s Butterfly Kisses. 

As it has always been since I first heard the simple yet soulful words of filial love, I felt goosebumps running the length of my arms and neck.  Never fails.  I thought that was enough to get me wrapped up in a moment of wistful longing.  But then my sister goes,

"When I get married, I will dedicate that song to you."

I struggled to keep a casual countenance, and even joked that as a toddler she didn’t give me butterfly kisses - only messy oatmeal and vegetable mush kisses smeared over my once-pristine uniform.  I made all the obligatory contorted faces and gagging noises, shuddering at the memory of how cold all that slop felt sliding down my back.

But deep inside I was melting.  Whatever feelings of loneliness there was replaced by an all-embracing feeling of warmth, appreciation, and yes, love.  The sting of the past days’ discovery of friendship’s failure was gone.  All I could feel was the glow of being reminded that even when we fail to look back, there’s always someone there looking out for and loving you.

Thank you Bim, thank you for reminding me that family is friendship bound by blood and a love that knows no bounds.

Butterfly Kisses
- Bob Carlisle

There’s two things I know for sure
She was sent here from Heaven
And she’s daddys little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh but most of all

For butterlfy kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk beside the pony dady
It’s my first ride
I know the cake looks funny daddy
But i sure tried
Oh with all that I’ve done wrong
I must have done something right
To deseve a hug every mornin
And butterfly kisses at night

Sweet 16 today
She’s lookin like her mama
A little more every day
One part woman
The other part girl
To perfume and make up
From ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember

Butterlfy kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin little white flowers all up in her hair
You know how much I love you dady
But if you don’t mind
I’m only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time
Oh with all that I’ve done wrong
I muct have done something right
To deserve her love every mornin
And butterfly kisses at night

All the precious time
Like the wind the years go by
Precious Butterfly
Spread yuor wings and fly

She’ll change her name today
She’ll make a promise and I’ll give her away
Standing in the bride room just starin at her
She asked me what I’m thinkin
And I said I’m not sure
I just feel like I’m losin my baby girl
And she leaned over

And gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there
Stickin little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk me down the isle daddy
It’s just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty daddy?
Daddy don’t cry
Oh with all that I’ve done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every mornin and butterfly kisses
I couldn’t ask God for more than this is what love is
I know I’ve got to let her go but I’ll always remember
Every hug in the mornin and butterly kisses

Yeah, I know.  Really, I do.

The Best Deception
- Dashboard Confessional

I heard about your trip
I heard about your souveniers
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights, and the cool guys
That you spent them with
I guess I should have heard of them from you
I guess I should have heard of them from you

Well don’t you see, don’t you see that the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and the "Clever Cover Story" awards
Go to you
So kiss me hard ’cause this will be the last time that I’ll let you
You will be back some day
And this awkward kiss that tells of other people’s lips
Will be of service
To giving you away

I heard about your regrets
I heard that you were feeling sorry
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us
Well, I guess I should have heard of that from you
I guess I should have heard of that from you

Well don’t you see, don’t you see that the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and the "Clever Cover Story" awards
Go to you
So kiss me hard ’cause this will be the last time that I let you
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss that screams of other people’s lips
Will be of service to giving you away
To giving you away

I’m waiting for blood to flow to my fingers
I’ll be all right when my hands get warm
Ignoring the phone, I’d rather say nothing
I’d rather you’d never heard my voice

You’re calling too late, too late to be gracious
And you do not warrant long good-byes
You’re calling too late
You’re calling too late
You’re calling too late

I didn’t ask to have my pictures back - you still sent them anyway. 

I guess that’s your way of showing me that I really am out of the picture, as I’ve been all these times you (and I as well) fooled me into believing that we’d be holding on to each other and the friendship. 

Bull.

You’ve put up new ones of your own, anyway.  I think I know what that  means. 

You’ll Think of Me
- Keith Urban

I woke up this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlighs on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
but thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
ever since you found yourself in someone else’s arms
i’ve been trying my best to get along
but thats okay there’s nothing left to say but

CHORUS
Take your records, take you freedom
Take your memories, I dont need ‘em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you’ll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
‘Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I’ll feel a whole lot better
But you’ll think of me, you’ll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I’m feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

(Repeat chorus)

Someday I’m gonna run across your mind
Don’t worry, I’ll be fine
I’m gonna be alright
While you’re sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I’ll be over you
And on with my life

(Repeat chorus twice)

And you’re gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday

Bar’s over!

Been through Hell and Bar - and lived to tell the tale!

*whoops it up*

". . . Give them hell if needed, just keep the fire burning. . . " - 09/23/2005